Random Take Offs

Friday, November 24, 2006

The things women do...

In my opinion, even the most intelligent of women are sometimes guilty of silly behaviour. Here's an example: A guy who used to make you smile is now the same guy who makes your skin crawl when you think of him. When this happens, the last thing any self-respecting fabulous woman wants is for him to see her looking anything less than a gazillion bucks. Yes, don't even try to deny it, it's true, and you (yes, all five of you female readers of my blog) know it. And you know what? I reckon this applies to lesbians, guys, old people, frogs, squirrels, other mammals and most reptiles too.

I, on the other hand, am far superior to all of you *throws head back and laughs in a superior manner*

(what DOES superior laughter sound like?)

Those red boots were nice. It's just a coincidence that they match my red UWE t-shirt that I have to wear to the open day tomorrow...

Richard's gig last night was good fun. Terri and George came out to play, Josh brought this guy, Guy (I can't resist these things...) whose last name is LARGE, and we spent a lot of the evening taking the piss out of his last name. In the final showdown over who had the worst last name, all two contestants put up a great fight, but of course, the big guy, Mr Large, won hands down.

Terri Scard - "I've been told that if i don't get married, i'll be Scard for life!"
Guy Large - "My last name is Large, and my middle name is Alexander. My initials spell G.A.L"

Saturday, November 18, 2006


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Letter head

Kevin and I spent most of the afternoon working on our first letters to send our client who has decided to divorce her husband. What is a great unconventional law firm without a great unconventional letter head?? Click to see better detail.


The multi-talented artist Maxine has launched a new website. Check it out here.

Her work is eclectic but my favourite pieces have got to be those inspired by her family. Maxine is someone who doesn't forget birthdays and I find that her attention to detail greets you like a teenager's swollen breasts in a low-cut top. Top work. Top aunt.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


It was the Bristol Vintage Fashion Fair on Sunday. Was a great day looking at amazing things on sale then hanging out with Dr Phil till late.

I bought a funky orange hat.

And a 1940s tweed coat that no one else could fit into (hurrah for short arms!!!)

I don't know what to do with this hat. The lady at the shop said "You might wear it when you go riding with your Lord and Lady". Yeah, what a great suggestion. That is precisely what I shall do.

I also bought a flowery pinafore. The ones women used to wear in the 1930s-40s. Corey thinks the 1960s cape I bought is funny and I should buy a mask so I can really look like a miniature Batman, but Dr Phil thinks it's cool, and Doctor knows best. Corey is just too cool for his school in the swimming pool full of drool.

More photos to come!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Can't touch this

'twas a good night out with the MeanGreenMachine who was looking fabulous as always! Whoopdeedoo~ I am looking forward to watching the cute hobbit's band rock out at the Fleece and of course, Charlie Brown and James Binny "I prefer Pierre" Wheelie at Bar Excellence after that!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Rasterbate. I did.

Short story

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. On the way up, Jack said, “Hurry up, Jill. You’re so slow…”.

“What the hell do you mean hurry up, I’m a lady and it’s my god-given right to take my time! Are you trying to say that I’m fat? Yeah i’ll have you know I am well aware of the fact that I am a bit of a heffer, and things like hills are a bit of a challenge, but you don’t have to be so blunt and mean. No, no, don’t even try to explain yourself. I’ve had enough of you Jack. GOODBYE”.

Jack: “…….”

The next day, after much huffing and puffing, Jill found Jack reading a book under a tree. “Well, what do you have to say for yourself, Jack?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. If you were a gentleman you would have sent a messenger pigeon round my house with an apology attached with a pink ribbon”
“Ribbons are expensive…God, Jill, we’re in the 17th Century, what’s wrong with you?”
“What do you mean what’s wrong with me?! I’m FINE. You’re the one who owes me an apology!”
“I have nothing to apologise for”
“You hurt my feelings!”
“I don’t really care”
“What?! HOW CAN YOU NOT?!”
“I don’t need to care, it’s not like you’re my girlfriend or anything…”

Jack “fell” down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

On the street where I live...

I took this while waiting for Charles at 9 in the morning. It was freezing but beautiful. I love mornings and i've realised that i've probably seen the most mornings in a row over the past few months than ever before. I found a place called Fort Lodge behind my house, which is the math building for the University of Bristol. It's got a nice garden. I went in there on a mini adventure today, and i'm going back there in a few days to change the sign on the gate to "FART LODGE - NOW SERVING BEANS".

The evenings change rapidly. I took this picture from my window:

And this one about a minute later:

Thursday, November 02, 2006


Me and Herman Munster have got the same haircut...

Bus Etiquette

Kevin and I were discussing english bus etiquette earlier and here are a few rules from which we think there is no escape:

1) When catching a bus always listen to your music and don't ever make eye contact. If you do, you are staring, and this is rude. No, you can't even if you want to be friendly. It is simply unacceptable.

2) When getting on a bus with a friend (it is probably acceptable if in groups) don't ever talk loud enough that people can hear. Silence on the bus is the most important thing. You wouldn't want to be JUDGED now would you?!??!??!?!!

3) Formulate any questions you may want to ask the bus driver beforehand, and make sure they can and will only invite a 'yes' or 'no' answer. For example, say "Do you go to UWE?" instead of "Which route do you take?". Once the driver answers yes or no, grab your change (if you HAVE to break a note - exact change is always more polite) and RUN. DO NOT make small talk. DO NOT ask another question. DO NOT try to make polite conversation. The other passengers will be pissed off if you do and will express their anger through a VERY loud sigh (which will, more often than not, come out as more of a throaty short groan, because if anyone says "HURRY UP BUTTFUCKER!", the negative feelings will immediately be redirected to him/her, therefore the throaty groan is the way to go - just so you know what to expect).

4) If you see a bus parked up at the stop from a distance, your first instinct is obviously to run for it. If you have run like a motherfucker all the way to the stop only to find that the driver is still on a break and none of the passengers have been allowed on the bus, you'll be glad to know that you may not necessarily face abject humiliation. All is not lost. One effective escape is to pretend you were running anyway and pick up the pace so you get to the next stop before the bus does (in the hopes that no one from your original stop remembers you). The "HURRY UP, LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE, AND PUT YOUR IPOD ON" escape route also works for some people.

5) If you are sat on one of the side seats, practice clenching your bum to avoid slipping off the seat. Holding the handrail is not cool.

6) When preparing to get off the bus, timing is everything. If you ring the bell too soon, you are a keener, and will forever be regarded as one. The best way is to ring the bell approximately 100 metres from your stop and then get out of your seat and walk to the front of the bus before the driver is ready to brake. If you do not do this, prepare to be launched forward. Not only is this extremely humiliating and un-smooth, but in some extreme cases, passengers on First buses have been known to shoot straight out of the bus through the windscreen (convenient, but lethal).

*to be continued*


It is often the case that you forget to take enough photos when you make an enormous effort to dress up. Then you kick yourself in the morning - which is bad when the pain is added to the hangover. Anyway, here are a few we did take. What a great hellawoon!!!!!