Bus Etiquette
Kevin and I were discussing english bus etiquette earlier and here are a few rules from which we think there is no escape:
1) When catching a bus always listen to your music and don't ever make eye contact. If you do, you are staring, and this is rude. No, you can't even if you want to be friendly. It is simply unacceptable.
2) When getting on a bus with a friend (it is probably acceptable if in groups) don't ever talk loud enough that people can hear. Silence on the bus is the most important thing. You wouldn't want to be JUDGED now would you?!??!??!?!!
3) Formulate any questions you may want to ask the bus driver beforehand, and make sure they can and will only invite a 'yes' or 'no' answer. For example, say "Do you go to UWE?" instead of "Which route do you take?". Once the driver answers yes or no, grab your change (if you HAVE to break a note - exact change is always more polite) and RUN. DO NOT make small talk. DO NOT ask another question. DO NOT try to make polite conversation. The other passengers will be pissed off if you do and will express their anger through a VERY loud sigh (which will, more often than not, come out as more of a throaty short groan, because if anyone says "HURRY UP BUTTFUCKER!", the negative feelings will immediately be redirected to him/her, therefore the throaty groan is the way to go - just so you know what to expect).
4) If you see a bus parked up at the stop from a distance, your first instinct is obviously to run for it. If you have run like a motherfucker all the way to the stop only to find that the driver is still on a break and none of the passengers have been allowed on the bus, you'll be glad to know that you may not necessarily face abject humiliation. All is not lost. One effective escape is to pretend you were running anyway and pick up the pace so you get to the next stop before the bus does (in the hopes that no one from your original stop remembers you). The "HURRY UP, LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE, AND PUT YOUR IPOD ON" escape route also works for some people.
5) If you are sat on one of the side seats, practice clenching your bum to avoid slipping off the seat. Holding the handrail is not cool.
6) When preparing to get off the bus, timing is everything. If you ring the bell too soon, you are a keener, and will forever be regarded as one. The best way is to ring the bell approximately 100 metres from your stop and then get out of your seat and walk to the front of the bus before the driver is ready to brake. If you do not do this, prepare to be launched forward. Not only is this extremely humiliating and un-smooth, but in some extreme cases, passengers onFirst buses have been known to shoot straight out of the bus through the windscreen (convenient, but lethal).
*to be continued*
1) When catching a bus always listen to your music and don't ever make eye contact. If you do, you are staring, and this is rude. No, you can't even if you want to be friendly. It is simply unacceptable.
2) When getting on a bus with a friend (it is probably acceptable if in groups) don't ever talk loud enough that people can hear. Silence on the bus is the most important thing. You wouldn't want to be JUDGED now would you?!??!??!?!!
3) Formulate any questions you may want to ask the bus driver beforehand, and make sure they can and will only invite a 'yes' or 'no' answer. For example, say "Do you go to UWE?" instead of "Which route do you take?". Once the driver answers yes or no, grab your change (if you HAVE to break a note - exact change is always more polite) and RUN. DO NOT make small talk. DO NOT ask another question. DO NOT try to make polite conversation. The other passengers will be pissed off if you do and will express their anger through a VERY loud sigh (which will, more often than not, come out as more of a throaty short groan, because if anyone says "HURRY UP BUTTFUCKER!", the negative feelings will immediately be redirected to him/her, therefore the throaty groan is the way to go - just so you know what to expect).
4) If you see a bus parked up at the stop from a distance, your first instinct is obviously to run for it. If you have run like a motherfucker all the way to the stop only to find that the driver is still on a break and none of the passengers have been allowed on the bus, you'll be glad to know that you may not necessarily face abject humiliation. All is not lost. One effective escape is to pretend you were running anyway and pick up the pace so you get to the next stop before the bus does (in the hopes that no one from your original stop remembers you). The "HURRY UP, LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE, AND PUT YOUR IPOD ON" escape route also works for some people.
5) If you are sat on one of the side seats, practice clenching your bum to avoid slipping off the seat. Holding the handrail is not cool.
6) When preparing to get off the bus, timing is everything. If you ring the bell too soon, you are a keener, and will forever be regarded as one. The best way is to ring the bell approximately 100 metres from your stop and then get out of your seat and walk to the front of the bus before the driver is ready to brake. If you do not do this, prepare to be launched forward. Not only is this extremely humiliating and un-smooth, but in some extreme cases, passengers on
*to be continued*
posted by jellybeanjune @ 1:22 AM
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