Why bother?

People ask me this all the time. If you said I was a judgmental sort of person, I wouldn't necessarily disagree with you. However, it's strange (i'm not sure about unusual) how I can be extremely judgmental, yet extremely tolerant at the same time.

Allow me to elucidate:

Because I judge, I might (and I say MIGHT, not WILL) judge BOB top to toe based purely on appearance. I might notice something about him that really annoys me, form judgment, and lose interest in having anything to do with Bob. Just like that. However, if by some twist of fate Bob and I are introduced, I could well discover something about Bob that I would not have if we hadn't been. If I embark on a friendship with Bob, I might grow fond of Bob, or I might not. In the event that I do (and this is the tolerant bit), I will most likely continue to put up with things about Bob that annoy me. Even if Bob turns out to be a big bad meanie, I might still give him a call from time to time to see if he is well (whether he picks up or not is another matter). Bob might even give me heartache and upset me but i'd accept that. This is due to the simple fact that we are friends.

So why bother?

I don't really know the answer to that. Maybe I focus on the little bit of good that made me grow fond of someone like Bob in the first place. Maybe I feel superior to Bob and want to "save" him. I know some people take advantage of this, but with some people, I really don't feel as if i'm being taken advantage of. I am aware that they are being mean, but continue to believe they are good on the inside, so if one fights evil with good, one will always win. When they have been extremely horrible, I may ignore them for a while, but if they come back with an apology and show that they have changed, I do tend to forgive.

I also take a lot of factors into account when I do this. Bob may have had mental problems before, which affect the way he behaves now. Bob's cat may have died when he was younger, leaving him with a broken heart, which is why he is cynical and has commitment issues. Bob may talk like a meanie, but it's obviously just walls he's putting up to protect himself, and if I can see past them, it doesn't matter if he is mean because I will always see Bob as a good person. Maybe I am trying to justify Bob's behaviour to make myself feel better, I don't know.

There's a meanie Bob I know who's a closet nice guy. He works hard to keep up a mean image and tries to ensure my efforts amount to nothing, but because i'm extremely fond of him, and believe in him so much, I refuse to give up. In the fight of good against evil, is there ever a point where we know we've won? The way I see it, if the amount of time I have with any given Bob is limited, at the end of the day, if I get to see what's beyond those walls, even if I don't get to go inside, I am satisfied and I feel i've made a difference.